Dummy Awards

WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP, and other “dummy” stories from real life 

These things actually happened, folks!    

  

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP!    AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked “intellectual leadership.” He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS!  
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting “Please come out and give yourself up,”

3. WHAT WAS “PLAN B”?  
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his OWN bank accounts.

4. HELLO, VIRGINIA!  
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia, received a one day suspension under his elementary school’s drug policy last week for Certs! Joey Hoefer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him “jump higher,”

And there are more…